Entry #14 Sleeping With The Enemy

Diary Entry #14, Oops, She Did It Again!

September 21, 2006

Dear Diary,

Ashley here, Miss Ashley to all of you, and I am sad to say that loyal owner has begun to take liberties with our queen-size bed recently. To say it outright: she is becoming the enemy to my sleep routine.

Normally, I spend most of every day getting lots of beauty sleep, condescending to eat a meal, protesting going outside, and ending up on my bed afterwards. Evenings are the same. I stretch out my exquisitely formed fawn greyhound sleek body, which just about covers the entire area of the bed. Recently, loyal owner has been very pushy and annoying by demanding that I actually acquiesce and move over when she gets under the covers, usually about midnight.

Recently, she has also been petting me quite a bit while I am trying to get back to sleep. I don't mind this if she keeps it up indefinitely, but she insists on stopping and going to sleep herself. I have to really start whining and crying for her to begin the petting again. Sometimes I even have to bark at her. The technique is very simple: first, begin with a very soft whine, followed by a whine increased in intensity, then ending by a loud cry or my excellent single-bark protest.

These remonstrations to loyal owner result in her rolling over, pulling on the covers, and totally ignoring me until morning. Those of you who are experiencing the same distressful behavior by your loyal owners at night can understand my unhappiness now.

If you have suggestions for stopping this unacceptable behavior by my loyal owner should write to me immediately to help ease my bedtime distress.

Signed Sleepless in Orlando,

Ashley, former lady greyhound racer and beauty sleep expert

P.S. I can vouch for this annoying behavior: loyal owner actually pulls the pillow from under my head just to add it to her own pillow, thus denying me the comfort I deserve after a long afternoon of barking at anything that moves outside.