Diary Entry #5: Forced To Lie In The Sun

February 5, 2005

Assignment: Weekend yard and house patrol

Situation: Loyal owner refuses to leave house; claims air outside too cold

Elaboration of situation:
Although faithful friend, also former greyhound racer , Ashley, and I performed our duties today, Saturday, we have yet to have the quiet restful sleep afforded us on other days of the week. Certainly, we aroused loyal owner at the correct time of 5 a.m., our only real responsibility each day. Certainly, we ordered the usual gourmet breakfast, provided regularly by loyal owner. Certainly, we demanded and received entrance and exit through living room door, on demand, of course, a minimum of, on estimate, 25 times before 12 noon.

However, the situation has become somewhat dire, in that loyal owner has steadfastly refused to accompany us on each of our 25 journeys outside. This is unacceptable. We require no less than 10 games of fetch before noon, and we expect the same after noon. Today, as a shock to both of us, loyal owner stubbornly refuses to exit with us. Loyal owner stops at the door entrance and makes a type of human shivering movement, then closes the door, leaving us to patrol the yard, bury our belongings, and lie quietly in the warm sunlight.

Again, we have observed a lapse in previous training in loyal owner.
The retraining will have to take place this afternoon, and no later, to be effective. Obviously we will have to either feign illness, choking, or violent barking to remind loyal owner to exit the house with us. We will work on this plan during the early afternoon.

Result: Check back later today, Saturday, February 5, to see if retraining has the desired effect on loyal owner. We should be able to see at least 10 to 15 games of fetch, throw, run, pet, etc., and we should also see a session of brushing of our fur, to make up for loyal owner's misbehavior today. For now, we will continue to demand entrance and exit, to lie in the warm sun, and to curl up by the fireplace, while we develop our plans further. (On a more alarming note, loyal owner has removed our underblankets from our plush bedding, and has hidden them in some huge machine in the garage. Oh, for shame! )

Signed with alarm,

Abel, former Animal Shelter occupant, current head of household