Diary Entry #6: Works Every Time

February 6, 2005

Dear Diary,

Just a short update on the lapse in training of loyal owner in the neglecting of our 10-15 play sessions yesterday. With the mastermind plan we organized yesterday afternoon, Abel and I threw loyal owner into a panic of guilt and concern this morning.

Briefly, this is what happened:
1. Loyal owner slept late because we delayed the usual wake-up signals, step one of our plan.
2. Upon arising, loyal owner rushed to prepare our gourmet breakfasts, filled our bowls, and forgot to put on our collars, as per the usual routine.
3. As if by magic, I became unable to eat a single mouthful, repulsed by the thought of the food itself, and turned away from the tempting meal.
4. Abel, as per the plan, ate as usual, making loyal owner positive that I was again "ill" once again, or that I just didn't like this flavor in particular.
5. (I love this part.) Loyal owner, rushed to the pantry, grabbed another flavor of breakfast, ripped off the can lid, and hurriedly placed the contents on a delicately flower-adorned paper plate.
6. Once again, as per the fool-proof plan, I approached the offering, then turned away, feigning nausea and lack of healthy appetite.
7. At this particular point, loyal owner decided that I couldn't eat unless I was fully "dressed" in my lovely red collar. Of course, I was immediately outfitted for my morning meal and praised highly.
8. The end of the plan was put into place when I walked slowly and painfully toward my plush bed and curled up into my smallest 66 pound greyhound fetal/puppy position. Magnificent! Brava! Encore!
9. Finally, loyal owner falls apart, pets me without reserve, and offers to play catch with me as I lay on my deathbed, breathing my last breath. (We knew this would work.)
10. As you can see, the plan worked perfectly, as we were treated to the proper morning playtime, after which I was offered my breakfast again. This time, I ate with gusto, in a very feminine way, of course.

Sincerely pleased with my performance,

Ashley, lady retired greyhound racer, best friend of Abel